Do they Know?

                                              

                                                          Do they know?

When the pains cut you deep and the nights keep you from sleeping, thoughts of your loved ones caught in an unknown space and you are left wandering whats happening to them now? Are they safe? Resting? Tormented or forlorn? Are they truly happy or sad? Too many questions with no answer!
I always have lived a life of denial when I lose people close to me, not because I do not cherish them, but I guess its just sheer cowardice to embrace the truth and face reality, sometimes I stay away from their family members because I cant stand to say my condolence without breaking down in tears and am scared of the memories it brings back, but most times from guilt of whether or not I have been a good friend or family until the moment they passed on..

Many don't understand when you talk about the dead, they wave it off casually as one of those things or think you are overwhelmed by guilt of some sort and some just say "you will get over it with time". That's a problem on its own. How do you get over such people totally especially when they have been a viable part of your life? Just how do you get accustomed to the unending pain of losing a special friend or relative? Do they understand these people took a huge part of you with them? How do you explain the bond and moments shared that has come to an abrupt end? The song is ended, but are they also aware that the melody lingers? The pains may stop, you meet new people, but the gap never closes. The peculiarity of that person who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne in death.

They leave indelible marks in your life your life and shoes too big that no one else can easily fill, other times they turn you into a philosopher/counsellor all at once as you remember all their words, promises to you and plans you made for the future. Atimes I pray for lost loved ones like I did tonight, I beg God to forgive them their sins, I pray for their departed souls and hope they find peace because they are truly priceless beings, and even if they wont come back , I feel relieved in my spirit knowing they are safe with God.

So for you my dear Augusta Okogo, its been over 3years since you left on your birthday, and am still here hoping and praying to wake up from this dream but alas, its real! You have checked out of this world and my heart is left in bits.. you were an amazing soul with all that makes a friend special. I miss your intelligent conversations, your witty remarks and above all your faith in our future. I remember how we use to plan big, how we wanted to make more money, get more degrees and travel the world, send our kids over to each other for some African training..Lol! Girl,  I truly miss you and it hurts even now!

For Oghoghome Urumedji..You were a friend and an elder sister, fearless, blunt and hilarious. You took nothing to heart and always spared no one. Even in the face of death, you fought very hard. I remember all our discussions and still do, I know what you would have said for every situation, I wish you stayed a bit longer...but you had to go when you did 3 years ago and it still feels like yesterday.

Dearest Anne Ikharon, my school days won't be complete without you. Your crazy laughter rings in my head till date, quiet on the outside, mighty on the inside! You have fought for survival for a long time, I remember our nights of travail and when we held unto each other in faith and when we had hopes of you not leaving us soon, you still left anyway. Thank you for the wonderful kids you blessed us with and for being a part of our lives. I still miss you babe..

Tonia Onaiwu, its been a year now. My 'Nigga' from Paris like Eneyi Abidde will call you, your death hurts me because you deserve better. You always lived the good life and will damn the consequences. You travelled the world and spared no expenses, I remember the joy on your face when you got back from your last trip and you said 'You only live once' to  Eneyi who was genuinely worried about your health. Now I understand better, am happy you had that vacation with your family, I appreciate all the firm decisions you took to make you sane and keep you happy. I feel sad that your dad who loved you to bits couldn't survive it and like you always hinted, he is gone to be with the lord. I pray for your Mum and siblings always. Above all am glad you crossed my path in life. You are an Angel..

Uncle Buddy of life!! The news of your death is the most shocking for me this year. Its just 4 days and I can hardly sleep. I see your face in my mind screen, and I still do not want to come to terms that you are gone. How could you just die like that? I mean who's gonna stand for your kids when they need you? Am also angry that you couldn't wait to reap the fruit of your labor? You were a fighter and had a dogged spirit, doesn't that count for staying alive? Of all the time to die, you chose now? like seriously? Screw me for thinking you were infallible, and that your generosity and kindness could save you, and again I ask why you? When there are so many wicked souls walking the face of the earth? So who will fulfil all the promises you made to us? Who do I call for support? Everyone who knows you have been in shock, not to mention your mum, siblings, wife and four beautiful kids you left behind. This sore in my heart wont heal, that am sure of and those uplifting advise people give to douse pain ain't working for me! This pain is killing me and I cant bear it alone, I have cried non-stop, maybe I need a holiday... but can I ever forget you? How long will this pain last? All my life I guess, this pain will last and the blessed memories as well...You were the elder brother I never had, you felt my pain when I was heart broken, you gave me confidence in my abilities and you knew me like no other. I do not believe in recreation, but if there is, please come back through me.  I miss you everyday.

 

                                         

         The Big girl…. Part 1

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes a lady to be called a big girl in Niegria? Especially when  you hear people say  “haaa! So and so is a big girl, as in very big girl! Do you wonder and ask questions? Or you just know based on the salient facts and what we have come to accept as that which qualifies a big girl in this part of the world.

Back in the days, a Lady who respects herself and shuns indecency in whatever form, one who can hold her own as a married or single lady, has a job or defined business , has that tangible essence of a woman and worthy of emulation was often referred to as the big girl. Those were the kind of ladies we look up to for mentorship, ladies who have carved a niche for themselves positively. Now the reverse is the case and just in case you still find it hard to identify them, let me give you some pointers using Lagos State as a case study.

It is a truism of fact that any Lagos big girl has to live on the island and that has to be in Ikoyi, V.I and Lekki , nothing more, nothing less.  It  doesn’t matter if after paying  your rent, you have nothing in the house or can barely feed, or you have to leave your family at sango or mushin to live in a small room on the island, so long you can be quick to say “I live on the island”, or sorry “I don’t do the bridge” (usually used to mean I can’t cross the 3MB to the mainland). These big girls only shop, Club, gym, hang out and attend church on the island in any of the happening zones, attend parties and red carpet events where they can be featured on television, soft sell and social/print media platform with make-up that’s perfectly on fleek and expensive human hair that’s always on point with well -manicured nails which hardly does any other job than flipping imaginary flying hairs from the face while the other hand is struggling with the weight of two to four other expensive phones/gadget ranging from expensive Samsung, iphones and tabs whose major functions are to upload pix/videos to their social media accounts with over 5k followers, likes and comments and tag them as #slayerqueen, face beat, fly like that, etc#

These big girls do not just date or become a wife or baby mama just for the fun of it, it has to be majorly to a very popular celeb or big shot or some stupendously rich sugar daddies and loaded 419ers who can spoil them silly with tons of cash, exotic trips with business class tickets, looking all dressed up at airport lounges like they are at a party or night club, and if they have to go on vacations , it has to be France, Bahamas or Miami and by all means possible pick up one or two accents most likely British or American and ensure they drop the “innit’ or ‘yeah/huh” line into every sentence they make while ensuring they stress the “r” in every word not minding if they sound more British than the Briton or American. And if they have been privileged to be in these countries, they can’t help but chip it in during conversations. As for those who haven’t been there, they struggle so as to at least visit Dubai and justify the fake accent, it really is not complete if you haven’t left Nigeria for another non-African country.  Life as a big girl has got to be lived and expressed with every detail.

It is really almost a sin to be a dark-skinned big girl, when you can actually do something about it. It’s a well-known fact that almost all big girls are light skinned on the island, even those born black with dark skinned parents and siblings, they just have to be the only light skinned one. It’s also a basic requirement from the sugar daddies who usually will pay very high if he gets a half caste/mulatto. So if he can’t get that, the lady has to be very light skinned and that means our ladies have to step up the skin-whitening game either by getting the Egyptian milk, Whitenicius creams and soaps which are freaking expensive or go the local way by patronizing local women and herbal makers of bleaching creams, as long as they stay white and flashy, then nothing else matters, even when they come up with different skin burns and reaction, they still have to continue at it until they get that blend!

Then you must have a good car, not just any ‘tokunbo car’, most likely a brand new car, preferably an ‘suv’. It has to be a very posh one and you can easily tell as they alays have their car keys dangling  from their fingers. These cars usually don’t  go to the mainland nor market, except the malls. Plus, they usually have a maid who goes to the market and do all the cooking or better still they order from edible caterers!