The Big girl…. Part 1

Have you ever wondered what exactly makes a lady to be called a big girl in Niegria? Especially when  you hear people say  “haaa! So and so is a big girl, as in very big girl! Do you wonder and ask questions? Or you just know based on the salient facts and what we have come to accept as that which qualifies a big girl in this part of the world.

Back in the days, a Lady who respects herself and shuns indecency in whatever form, one who can hold her own as a married or single lady, has a job or defined business , has that tangible essence of a woman and worthy of emulation was often referred to as the big girl. Those were the kind of ladies we look up to for mentorship, ladies who have carved a niche for themselves positively. Now the reverse is the case and just in case you still find it hard to identify them, let me give you some pointers using Lagos State as a case study.

It is a truism of fact that any Lagos big girl has to live on the island and that has to be in Ikoyi, V.I and Lekki , nothing more, nothing less.  It  doesn’t matter if after paying  your rent, you have nothing in the house or can barely feed, or you have to leave your family at sango or mushin to live in a small room on the island, so long you can be quick to say “I live on the island”, or sorry “I don’t do the bridge” (usually used to mean I can’t cross the 3MB to the mainland). These big girls only shop, Club, gym, hang out and attend church on the island in any of the happening zones, attend parties and red carpet events where they can be featured on television, soft sell and social/print media platform with make-up that’s perfectly on fleek and expensive human hair that’s always on point with well -manicured nails which hardly does any other job than flipping imaginary flying hairs from the face while the other hand is struggling with the weight of two to four other expensive phones/gadget ranging from expensive Samsung, iphones and tabs whose major functions are to upload pix/videos to their social media accounts with over 5k followers, likes and comments and tag them as #slayerqueen, face beat, fly like that, etc#

These big girls do not just date or become a wife or baby mama just for the fun of it, it has to be majorly to a very popular celeb or big shot or some stupendously rich sugar daddies and loaded 419ers who can spoil them silly with tons of cash, exotic trips with business class tickets, looking all dressed up at airport lounges like they are at a party or night club, and if they have to go on vacations , it has to be France, Bahamas or Miami and by all means possible pick up one or two accents most likely British or American and ensure they drop the “innit’ or ‘yeah/huh” line into every sentence they make while ensuring they stress the “r” in every word not minding if they sound more British than the Briton or American. And if they have been privileged to be in these countries, they can’t help but chip it in during conversations. As for those who haven’t been there, they struggle so as to at least visit Dubai and justify the fake accent, it really is not complete if you haven’t left Nigeria for another non-African country.  Life as a big girl has got to be lived and expressed with every detail.

It is really almost a sin to be a dark-skinned big girl, when you can actually do something about it. It’s a well-known fact that almost all big girls are light skinned on the island, even those born black with dark skinned parents and siblings, they just have to be the only light skinned one. It’s also a basic requirement from the sugar daddies who usually will pay very high if he gets a half caste/mulatto. So if he can’t get that, the lady has to be very light skinned and that means our ladies have to step up the skin-whitening game either by getting the Egyptian milk, Whitenicius creams and soaps which are freaking expensive or go the local way by patronizing local women and herbal makers of bleaching creams, as long as they stay white and flashy, then nothing else matters, even when they come up with different skin burns and reaction, they still have to continue at it until they get that blend!

Then you must have a good car, not just any ‘tokunbo car’, most likely a brand new car, preferably an ‘suv’. It has to be a very posh one and you can easily tell as they alays have their car keys dangling  from their fingers. These cars usually don’t  go to the mainland nor market, except the malls. Plus, they usually have a maid who goes to the market and do all the cooking or better still they order from edible caterers!